The Grass is Always Greener On the Other Side

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 01:00:56 GMT

yes yes here i am a bijillon years later writing in my lj! :-) lol well u no what i noticed i noticedhow manipulated i was when i was goign out w./ marc....when we first stratred goign out me and him were really good and he was sweet and nice and then when i started to get attached or w/e the words are he turned into a douch and used my feelingagainst me......well atleast that is how i see it now......lol yea so ummm i have reliazed that i am always sick!!!! what thee fuck.....woot woot jr formal on friday i am sooo excited and i am soo excited to go w/ jesse and to be w/ jesse all night long he is goign to look soooooooo god:-D yay me soo excited idk why thoughn i never though i would be excited for this but i am so so so so so excited

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 17:26:51 GMT

Hey yea soo long time no wroten but there has been soo much lol like usual that is like my whole life lol so much happenes all the time! wlee i need a new job cause i hate mine now and what not and yea idk i have like had so so so sso much fun w/ laura and jesse l8ly what great ppl they are everyone should meet them there so so so so so so so so so much fun! lol laura sowed my pants yay laura they look amazing! lol ilove u! and yea jesse has been really reall sweet like usual i lolve that kid:-D he makes me happier then ne1 else yay yea so umm x mas is comming up soon on the 25th but yea imma jew so uh hu

lol

well im to lazy to type peace lol

:-(

Sun, 28 Nov 2004 03:36:27 GMT

well soo soo soo much has happened one thing after another after another there has been so so so much bad and one ray of sun shine shining through the dark rain clouds and i think u all know who that is *jesse* well the only good was on the friday b4 laura's b day me laura and jesse gano and other ppl all hung out and played volleyablla dn then me and laura got the brilliant idea to pitch a tent and sleep there he he he then jesse and gano were gonna come l8er and sleep w/ us and what not and it turned otu gano couldn't but jesse did and it was amazing fallin asleep w/ him and wakin up w. him the next morning that was liek the best feeling in the world let me tell ya..... now the whole bad shit that previouse week i was suposed to spen time w/ my rents but 1st i went otu to lunch w/ jesse and laura and like we came bak @ liike 3 and i called my mom and told her i was comming bak and she gt really pissed and was like don't bother and we fought so i didn't come hoe and then wehn i finally did i got in soo much trouble and what not and i left the house and i was grounded for a week and then today me laura were having so so so so much fun and like gano stopped over and i let him in and what not and my mom and dad came home early and say him there and now once again i fucked up and im in deep shit w/e im a fuck up at life go me!

w/e im out and depreesed

"Im a loser baby so why dun u kill me"

panda

the clouds begin to clear

Sat, 13 Nov 2004 05:20:16 GMT

wow today was like the day from hell like there is not one thing fromlike the start of skool till like i went to baby sitten just sucked sooooo badly and actaully right now im feeling good.....i got my love on the fone w. me cheeren me up like a mother'fer and i realized more then i have today that i have an amazing chika friend who is kick ass and cheered me up soo much too ilu rachel akalaura! lol u guyz are awsome i love u to soo much....jesse ur amazin also ur liek the only one who how really stuck w/ me since the "begining" i love ya:-) mwa ur so amazin!

I love u jesse thanx for everything u have done for me ur amazin!!!! <3 10/10

Argh

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 04:02:18 GMT

wow let me tell u today was liek amazing he he he Jesse came over and wat not and like honestly it was soo awsome to hear that i would soo much rather be w/ u then drink *(no offence)* and that is liek the firswt time i have heard it soo convinsingly and like meaningful liek he kinda beged me and wat not and liek id him and *rachel were suposed to drink and i waly inter fear w/ plans b/c my mom sucks i getting yelled at write more l8er maybe lol pavce

mother f'er

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 20:22:02 GMT

omg my mom is liek flippin out for liek no reason i ddun understand her god i didn't do shit.......liek for realy thougha dn liek she freaked ahhhh! idk shitty day today i have dance l8er im excited

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 04:01:02 GMT

yo omg i can't rally write right now but i woudl just liek to say the das i spend w/ u get better and better i seem to find more and more in u every day

would be good to rememeber

Sat, 06 Nov 2004 23:07:07 GMT

What happened?

Wake up in the morning,
clock says half past one
I have no sunglasses
As I step into the sun

There's no recollection
of the evil things I've done
My head feels like I musta' had some fun

What happened?

Last thing I remember
I was chillin at a party
Pinching girlie's asses
I was drinking recklessly

I know I did something
Lord what could it be
Woke up in the morning
And all my friends say me

What happened?

What I'm I doing here
Who is this girl in my bed
What is this shit on my face
My God, what is that awful smell

That right there was pretty much my night idlk what the fuck happened but it fucken sucked/ruled....lol yea so ummm im not drinking like i did the other day wooah my god let me tell ya! i litterally puked form one end of poptom to the other it was crazy! like no tomorrow and u no what if i didn't have jesse and LAURA i would be liek dea right now prob in my own puke guyz i love you ssooooo much and the funny thing is i have like neva puked b4 in my life and like what not and idk i guess i can't handle my alki like i used to be able to seeing that i had nothing to eat but a muffin and like i haven't drank in soo long! but w/e it was kinda worth it ahahaha!!!

Me: Guyz i can't even see straight

Laura: I can it's that way!!!!

Laura: come on my mkom is here sober time ::claps in my face:: Come on jamie act sober!

omg what a ngiht it was and then yea lol i still am smelling puke like how many HOURS later after a shower and brushing my teeth lololol oh well i think i need to shower agian and try and try to rememebr what happened b/c i dun remmebr shit!

_panda_ a very drunkin one ( i still smell alki!!!!!)

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 20:12:37 GMT

today was liek the worst day ever ahhhh everythign went wrong i liek forgot abiyut 3 quizz's today my mom is mad at me why idk but yea like im apperentyl grounded and what nto and like all this other shit and liek idk im cold but idk so yea im done thereis so much more but i can't wrote nemore no mood tooo peace

a new leaf

Tue, 19 Oct 2004 02:40:13 GMT

ok well yea honestly i feel amazin in a way right now liek i think i am starten to get shit on track in my life and im stayen totally clean and smart botu shit too lol likme im honestly a lil happier w/ myself and like i have good grades too
adn like i found a great friend and companion and liek idk i looked at life a lil and i thinki i no what i want in life a lil and u no what i love u for that.....u no who u r
and u no what i loive the jv girls vb they have all taught me a lot evryone oif them!Q

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 01:47:16 GMT

jesse i love u sweetie!!!!!mwa mwa mwa mwa

uht oh

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 02:42:40 GMT

well today basicly was the day to fuck everythign up andi am goign throuhgh a kinda hard time and ahh i ahte it u have no idea and skool starts tomorrow
and ahhhhh
im out fuck all this shit

FREAK OUT

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 02:53:57 GMT

well i don't really know what to say i have a seriouse issue on my hands and what not an dliek my mom kinbda found a condom form like me and marc today and liek i am kind abuggen out and i don't know what to do and i know liek ahhh

idon't know what to do or say just somebody give me advisse but ia m alouyd to stioll see him and what not but it is really akkward...ahh im soo out of it help me please

updated!

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 02:44:14 GMT

wow finally an update in this thing so yea i dun rememebr what the lat entrie sed but since me and marc broke up we ended upgetting bak together and things with him are now different then they were we have been getting a long really well and what not and that is always a good thing but yea siunce then i went to vb camp and what not and like i was thought to have broke my wrist but once agian the doctors were wrong and there was no break at all lol so i am only out for liek 2 weeeks woot woot hell week starts monday and i have a doctose appt on monday so everyone wish me luck cause i wanna play volleyball.......VolleyBall here i come

panda

updated!

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 02:44:14 GMT

panda

wooah that was a close one

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 03:09:48 GMT

ok well let me see this week was ummm well yea i mean few days....lol first me and marc are back as it was sed b4 and liek idk it was really cute he gave me his dog tag and liek in a way thatr means a lot b/c it is liek his prized possetion and idk he would neva let neone touch it u know......but yea on with the other stuff well on saturday no1 was home at sam's so i went over w/. some othger ppl and what not and like we drank and we thought it would be fun to get 5 frog drunk and we did so and welll yea they didn't live too long after that i think they had alki posinin IM A FROGGIE killer and then i got ciggzs and liek my mom and dad woudl kill me if they knew i had an occational one and like idk whgy but i left the butts in my pocket and my mom washed them but i swore ther weren't mine and all and like yea that is all cool and then like i wore marc's boxers to work and my mom was liek where did u get these!?!? and no joke i stole them from marc one day when my thong was to far up my ass and she was like AHHHHHHHHHHHh lolol ehhh what are u goign to do idk? lol io am goign to volleyball camp wed......we are leaveing @ 6a phew no sleep ther lol and i have soo much shit to do oh no!!!!! ahh neway yea so i am pretty much sdone writting here peace out ya'll

panda ( a happy one)

the norm

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 02:58:18 GMT

well things all turned around the other day i was thinking alot bout me and marc and the lil things and how i felt when i tlaked to him while we were broken up and i relized that there was no1 in this world like him for real liek the feeling i get when i tlak top him or kiss him and the securty i get from him basicly i love him and nothign will eva change that and that is that i will neva give him up

tears?

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 06:04:07 GMT

well i havent updated in a while and like well i am not goign out w/ marc nemore and like it hurts really bad liek i new it would but i needed a break for a lil bit and like what not so i took my space needed but the only thing is i think i lost him for good and that was the only thing that i didn't want to happen i didn';t want him gone 4eva and he is like i wanted hom as my best frined b/c i strill do love him u know and if i can't love him i wanna luv him but now i dun have ne contact w/ him what so ever and that is how he wants it and what not and that is what i am goign to gdo for him to make things easyer for him and i guess in a way make him happier....im sooo confused somebody help

love

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 03:01:38 GMT

Yea so things are truely amazing wow i have to say tonight was one of the most amazing nights eva.......like we just chilled and everything and like talked about things we never really got a chance to talk about ur never really bothered to talk about that was on my mind like we talked about a future and what not and like idk it just made me really happy and like we got things out in the open that were kinda just floating there idk but i really love him and like i fell like i actualy learned somehign about him b/c like in a way he is very to himself and like i know i guess nothign about him....maybe it was bc i never really ask but he neva really offers idk but like i learned about him and what not and like i really like what u found out and there are somethign that i learned that i honeslty admire about him like his attitude tweards things and what not and like his courage......somethig i wish i had more of....but with him by my side i feel like i got all i need lol......

panda

and yet the days go on and on

Mon, 05 Jul 2004 20:03:50 GMT

once again i have been really mixed up and confused as to what is real and to what is only a dream or fiction..... i wonder what my relationship has come to be and how things always seem to work out for one of us.....it seems like we are both never happy at the same time b/c usually what makes one happy it makes the othermiserable but we both seem to share one thing in common love or so we both say....sometimes being an insider on a relationship hurts really badly b/c u dun seem to see what everyone else is seeing like the goods that u think are bad and the bads that u completely miss......im not seeing lately what everyone else is talking about and one day i know it will hit me and everythign will fall to pieces tha tis if i ever choose the belive it or see it but life isn't always so bad alone because even when u do have some1 to love u can still feel alone...u feel empty inside and sometimes that is worse then truely being alone......also it hurts when u think ur really tight w/ some1 but yet u get these vibes that says ur not....maybe i dunno what i am tlaking about anbd i am just blabbering but u know what this is how a ifeel right now and these are my emotions thrown on to a computer screen what are u goign to do about that absolutly nothing....i just hope today me and marc hang out and talk about a lot of things i have on my mind the only problem is i hope i can get them all out to him if not i am surely screwed becasue i duno how wlese to tel lhim what i need to tell him andwhat i wanna say i know won't be easy and i know i will start to talk and then just choke but hey that happens and it will take time to get it out but it wil happen hopefully

panda!

ahhhh the sound of a fucked up night

Sat, 03 Jul 2004 17:12:27 GMT

well yea last night was amazing and kinda bad well really bad at the same time bad 1st lol well lets see i went to a show yesterday to support my friends and well turns out the show sucked and me and sarah ended up wasting 10 bucks and leaving the show and what not after they played and they were the 1st band up and then we wnet bak to her house and dutch called us and what not and sed he was having a camp fire and what notand wanted me to come and like surprise marc and what not so me and sarah askerd her mom and her mom sed no so we made a cover story and what not and her mom caught us in the "act" and like what notand took sarah home and i stayed b/c she told me i should and what not and now were never aloud to talk to each other or hang out again mike a( montville ) ws suposed to come w/ us to the show and what not and like we wanted to leave b4 he got there and everything and like we told him not to bother and waste moiney b/c the showed sucked sooooo badly and we were goign bak to sara's and what not and then on the way we got the call from duthv and everything and then we de ided to go thtere and he is all pissed at me and what not and idc actually for once im in a really bad mood but the camp fire thing was soo much fun i talked toi beth and we got kinda close and that was coll i really liek her and her friend marcey i think that was her name and yea it was fun lol iu eneed up hyperventalating b/c i went over a birge well 3 w/ rotted shit ahhhh and then on the way bak i wnet over 2 irt was scarey! well yea it was soo much fun peace!

SARAIM SOO SORRY I LOVE YOU IM SOORY THINGS GOT FUCKED UP AND EVERYTHING I WILL MISS U

down....

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 04:15:20 GMT

yea so once again i am all downa nd what not and like i dunno was goign on w/ my emotions and everythign like they are uncontrolable maybe i am a skitzoid liek i am pushing away those that i love and care about and who feel the same to me and i wanna punch the person looking bakl @ me in the mirror i have fucked up in soo many places l8ly and idk if it is b/c of all the crap that has gone on and i am finially brekaing form it or what i honestytl dunno and like i need to be set straight b4 i like screw everythign in my life up and screw overe everyone

idk i amn relaly depressed right now so i am out

marc im soory baby i love you soo much and i am always thinking about u like now io am listening to steller u are my savor my heart and my sould i love you baby u mena the world to me and u are a great addiditon and part of my life i love you sooo much MWAH YTOOFM

ummmm......

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 05:56:23 GMT

hey everyone so yea idk what to realy write b/c there is a lot goign on and on my mind right now liek w/ life and all this other shit...like i have had a lkot happene and goi on in hte past week or two form liek X-friends, amazing friends, b/f's rents sibblings but w/e i guess in a sence it is all in the past...lol yea so yea today was the last day of skool and what not and yea it sucked and ummmmm bdah's house ruled lol even though i played mommy for mike and alli and actualy salty too the WHOLE ngiht lol well yea i am not in the mood to type lol peace

Panda

wooah

Tue, 15 Jun 2004 02:09:25 GMT

yea so i dun rememebr the last time i updated and what not b/c liek my comp was broken so i couldn't and blah blah blah and now the i just relized i can again i will all i have to say is summer is commen and i am goign to be partyen it up oin 94 as gay as that sounds qwoot woot omg marc is the best tehehehehe idk why ther eis no specified reason but like yea u get it lol i really love him adn things are lookin up soooo sooooo sooooo much like we dun really fight nemore tehehehe unless i am tryen to kick his ass then yea i always lose! but yea i love him i can deal w/ it.....so yea i was thinking one day i wasnted to liek make or buy somethign for liek marc i dunno like a lil b/f g/f thing but idk iu dun wanan say nethign to him and what not or get ti b/c i think he would think it was gay and what not but yea i kinda wanna idk i am dumb like that yea i am going yto go i just fell into a slump of depression........

Panda

WOOAH!

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 02:11:57 GMT

wow thing have benn well different w/ me l8erly almost lie i dun give to fucks...oh wait i dun lol idk it isn't liek a bad i dun guive to fucks imma kill my self it is kinda a good thing i am care free idc about nethign i do what i want when i want it is fun lol im care free i hate worryen and shyt and like w/e i feel like i am moralless! yay i wnan smoke ok i wanna fuck ok i wanna drink ok i wanna strip ok w/e i wanna do when i wanna do it ! yea lol idk this kinda excites me im out though peace

Panda